Rose Pinkerton, the surrogate coordinator for A Perfect Match, Inc. speaks openly about her experiences as a surrogate mother

“Here I am, almost exactly 13 years after I started what is now mycalling and blessed to do every day as an agency coordinator. But it is time to step down as a surrogate and retire (fo’ reals this time)

How did this start? I remember ever since I was a little girl,
I loved playing house and loved playing with my dolls. I couldn’t wait to grow up and become a mom. In 1998, that dream finally happened. The delivery was so easy. I was in labor for exactly 12 hours, pushed a handful of times and my son made his arrival.  I enjoyed every moment of the pregnancy. About that same time when I had my son, I had already been aware of surrogacy when I had heard about the story of ‘Baby M’. I was intrigued by the story because it was possible for childless couples to have babies through surrogacy with at least one genetic link to the parents.  I loved my son so much, and I couldn’t imagine being in the shoes of these families that were not able to have their own.  I wanted to help these couples, have them experience what it is to be a parent.

I thought about doing a surrogacy for a few years and finally in 2001, I knew I was ready to commit to helping a family. After a lot of research, I was happy to find that gestational surrogacy was now an option, and I wouldn’t have to use my genetics. Back then, there was only a handful of agencies. I found the right one that made me feel comfortable, and I submitted my paperwork. Probably like you, the moment I dropped off that application in the mail, I had a moment of fear and wondered if I made the right decision. But I knew I had. Not even a week later, the agency called me to schedule a meeting. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. I had a swarm of butterflies in my stomach, but I still had that bit of fear and wondered what the heck I was getting into. Then I got my first profile to review, Trent and Lola. That fear went away, and I immediately knew that I wanted to help them. Meeting them in person only solidified the decision I made to do this for them was the right one.

Fast forward a failed frozen cycle and a fresh embryo cycle with an egg donor, we become pregnant and on July 2002, at 36 weeks; my water broke, and I delivered two healthy baby boys for Lola and Trent. Since I had to deliver in the OR (just in case they needed to do a C-section) only one parent was able to go in with me. They agreed that they would take turns. Lola would go in first and support me during the labor and pushing; Trent would stand right outside the OR room and trade places with Lola once the babies were delivered. However, when the babies were born and started crying, Lola wouldn’t hold her part of the arrangement, Trent peeked through the OR door and said it was his turn! I remember the doctors laughing and let him come in as well. I turned my head as he made his way in and THAT WAS THE MOMENT I knew what I did was right. I saw them holding their babies, smiling and crying. I saw a new family together.

The emotions I experienced at the beginning of this journey pale in comparison to those that flooded the hospital room that day. I remembered what it was like to meet my son for the first time – the immediate love, protectiveness, worry – and saw those emotions mirrored on the faces of the couple that stood in front of me holding their babies. With such a wonderful experience, it was easy for me to continue my path of surrogacy and help another couple. Trent and Lola started who I am today.

In September 2004, I delivered a little girl for a couple in Los Angeles. This couple was a little bit more hands off during the pregnancy, and I was okay with that. Although I had a wonderful relationship with my first family, I was not expecting my second one to be the same.

On October 2006, I delivered twin boys for a single mom from Ohio whom I had a great relationship with. She still stays in touch once in a while.

On May 2012, I delivered a little girl for a couple in Northern California. This one is unique in that they wanted her to be born in their city, so at 37 weeks, I flew to San Francisco and delivered there.

And finally, On October 2014, I delivered a little baby boy for a single dad from China who has been wonderful to allow me to visit any time since he is in town.

So if you’re counting – you counted right. With my son, I have delivered eight babies.

Surrogacy has turned out to mean so much more than helping a family grow.  I have also learned so many things along the way. I learned that:

• Communication is the most important for a successful relationship with the intended parents
• For the intended parents, the surrogacy journey means giving up a lot of control and putting a lot of trust into the hands of someone else. To me that meant being the best surrogate I can be. I was carrying someone else’s dreams and hopes.
• Patience – You need a lot of that with surrogacy. If you haven’t already experienced it, you will soon
• Just because you conceived your own children very easily doesn’t mean conceiving a child for someone else will happen as quickly or as easily. Sometimes it doesn’t happen on the first, second, or even third try.
• That there are things that can and will happen that are out of your control.
• Surrogacy will make you laugh, cry, scream, pout, and every emotion in between.
• Don’t watch movies like P.S. I love you when you are hopped up on hormones and cycling drugs

I have also learned that everyone has an opinion on the subject of surrogacy. If it is bad or good makes no difference to me. I am responsible for me, for my own decisions, and for no others. I have made dreams come true. I have given birth to 7 beautiful children through surrogacy. Children I know had it not been for me would not be here today. Yet as much as my intended parents have told me how blessed they are because of me, I always find myself telling them it is I who have been blessed. To carry a child not of your own. The trust that these people put in you is a pure leap of faith. So it is my wish that so many of you and the many to come will continue with the hopes and dreams of so many people.

It is now my time to step down. My time to pass on my wings. I would say for me my experience has been nothing but positive. I was always blessed with the most wonderful intended parents. I was blessed with an agency that was in it to make dreams come true, not to make money off those dreams.

Becoming a surrogate was one of the best decisions I’ve made.

Rose

NOTE:  Rose was a surrogate with A Perfect Match, Inc and she now runs their surrogacy department!  She is a a wealth of information, a blessing and the biggest cheerleader to every women who goes through their program.

If becoming a surrogate mother is something you are considering, you can start by taking the quiz

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